This is the very first painting I made after the fire. Because I was collaging before this happened, I was able to pick up where I had left off if at least technically. On the other hand, it was very tumultuous time both emotionally and psychologically. I didn't want to think about the total loss of my entire life as an artist up until that point. The title is inspired from a book I had read titled “Art & Fear: Observations On the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking” by David Bayles and Ted Orland.
The painting captures what I was experiencing; the beauty of creating, the wonder of getting back to work on something new, but at the same time the fear of starting over again after 12 years of work had completely banished in a matter of minutes.
I used digital images from old works and photos of my new neighborhood. There are also dark hidden self-portraits, representing the two windows of my studio and the dark place I would find my state of mind at times. There was a correlation of the darkness of the painting and that of the site of the fire. But from that very dark place I began to work again. This painting got me on my way again, allowing me to restart the creative journey.